The Hard Stuff

Of course not everything in life can be wonderful so I decided to share my story of death. My maternal grandmother died the year before I was born so I never knew her but my other grandparents had a major role in my life. Most people do not understand what an absolute privledge it is taking care of a dying loved one.  Most people ask why would you want to much less feel obligated or responsible for someone else. My story starts in 2000. My maternal grandfather had the first of many strokes. My family and I lived with him so naturally his care fell upon us. My 2 sisters were away from home at the time so the bulk of his care was my mom's, brother's and mine. My dad was around but found it difficult to aid in his care. The thing with my grandpa is that he also was diabetic and on dialysis. He ended up losing some fine moter skills and control on his left side. As time passed he grew upset with his life and limitations. He took his anger out on those closest to him. I can honestly say that hearing you were bound for jail or would amount to nothing was difficult for me to hear. I was only 18. We continued on for 2 years before things got really bad. He had to have surgery and some complications arose. He needed to have his leg amptutated. He did not want to make the decision so he asked my mom and I. Of course we told him it was his decision to make. The thursday following surgery he again asked for my advice about a feeding tube. I simply told him that if he wanted to come home he needed the tube. If he wanted to stop fighting that was ok too. That day he could only have 2 people in his room at a time; one of those people he said always had to be me. He passed away on saturday while we were on our way to see him. for me at the age of 20 to lose the man you lived with for 17 years was very hard. We had a get together at our house after burying him and 2 deer appeared at 2 pm in a spot where you do not normally see them. To those of us close to him we knew it was a sign that he was with grandma in peace now. If only this was the end of my story. my paternal grandfather developed alheimzers diesease. he ended up in a nursing home. There was never a day that passed that he did not have a visitor. I would take my dog Sierra and together we would visit my grandpa and other patients. He remembered me longer than most people but sure enough the day finally came where he gave me the blank look that said who are you. that was one of the worst days of my life. During this time I developed this unique ability to detach myself (not sure if blessing or curse). I could calm him and others around him. say for instance we were getting ready to leave he would cry and beg to come with us. I would send everyone away and get to calm enough to go to sleep. He battled the disease but it finally put him in a coma. the family gathered round never leaving him alone that final week. the staff was very impressed by my family's devotion. We simply camped out most days. On the day he passed on my dad and I stayed behind while everyone else took a break. I was the first person to tell him it was ok to let go. He needed to pave the way for us in the next world. of course being stubborn he watied until later when everyone came back to pass. I was proudly standing by his bed next to him as he took his last breath. Two months after my grandpa died we found out my grandma had cancer. The doctors said even with chemo she would have maybe 6 months. The chemo ended making her to sick so she stopped taking it. She hung on longer than the doctors thought we got over a full year with her. As the end neared the family was again gathered. We all took turns staying with her. I was present for her last words. She slipped into a coma and passed away the next day in may of 2009. She told me so many stories at the end of her life. I will cherish those times forever. At her funeral mass I got up and told the story of "My Inspiration" a story I wrote about my grandma and effect on my life. I was blessed to have experienced these life changing events with those I loved and lost. In april of this year i found a band called the Canadian Tenors. They have 2 very special songs on their album that have touched me so deeply. These songs helped me heal but also inspire me to celebrate the lives of those lost. I want to share these songs with you. I hope they help and touch you as they have me. The songs are called "Watching over Me" and "Remember Me". You can listen to them on youtube, itunes. I hope hearing my story helped you in some way. 


Maureen

P.S.

On a side note if you ever get the opportunity pet therapy is an extremely rewarding experince. Sierra and I did some nursing home work, helping educate kids on animals and the responsibilities of pet owner, as well as a reading program where kids can read and interact with dogs. No formal therapy training was neccessary with sierra. She is just a people dog and well behaved but there is formal training if you would like to go that route.